toxixpumpkin:

• “Who wouldn’t be angry you ate all of my cereal and faked your death for three years!”
• “I’m going to need you to put on some underwear before you say anything else.“ 
• “Quick catch that cat it stole my wallet!”
• “Fuck I feel like I got hit by a car… Wait I did? And it was your car?”
• “The skirt is short on purpose.”
• “I can’t believe I’m sitting in space jail with you of all people.”
• “So why did I have to punch that guy?”
• “I may have accidentally sort of adopted five cats.”
• “I hope you know that my name is actually ________.”
• “Please stop petting the test subjects. ”
• “That is the tenth demon summoning this week holy shit.”
• “Please put me down it’s just a sprained ankle" 
• “So what if I broke my arm I’m still doing it.”
• “Why exactly do you need chloroform at 2AM?”
• “I’m like 75% sure this won’t explode on us.”
• “You need to stop leaving dead bodies in my kitchen.”
• “I understand the whole sleep talking thing but what I don’t understand is the princess dragon dream and why I’m in it.”
• “I’m sorry that I got way too into playing house and accidentally kissed you passionately.”